


Flowerbeds

by ArcheryGirl1101



Series: Wildflower [2]
Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Jaskier | Dandelion, Emotionally Constipated Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Emotions, Family Issues, Flowerbeds, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Jaskier | Dandelion, Protective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Unresolved Emotional Tension, flowercrowns, gravestones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:20:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26550538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcheryGirl1101/pseuds/ArcheryGirl1101
Summary: After being disowned by his parents a year ago, Jaskier receives another letter, he isn't sure how to process the news
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Jaskier | Dandelion & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Series: Wildflower [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1925245
Comments: 6
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I had an idea for Part but with this Series but Chapter 2 - 4 kind of ran away from me and made a bit of a tangent. I'll explain more later. It kinda fits with the rest of the story but if it sticks up like an infected thumb I may edit and alter this Part greatly. Idea was simple, execution was the messier part.

It had been just over a year since Jaskier last spoke to his family, including Rose, she was still far too young to travel alone, yet mail always managed to reach Oxenfurt, during the winter with the additional pleasure of drawings and poems the young girl drafted. Upon receiving another letter which Jaskier couldn't open fast enough, another was attached. The second being far more professional in standards, reading it over Jaskier was numb with the information given.

Early spring approached and Geralt had been knocking on the University's doors in search for his Bard

"Jaskier, if you still want to visit Kaer Morhen by summer-- Jaskier?"

Jaskier was hunched over a chair, the exact same bodily position as finding out he had been told to perform for his parents' anniversary. "Huh? Oh, uh... Geralt, you're here, when did you get here?" 

"What happened this time?"

Jaskier knew there was no point in hiding the information, "It's... it's my parents, Geralt. They died. Both of them, in their sleep. I've been asked to attend their funeral"

The Witcher's brow furrowed "You only saw them last year"

"Illness took them. My eldest sister, Arianna is to be the new Viscountess"

"You sound," Geralt growled at himself, despite knowing Jaskier for years the Witcher still struggled with full conversations "Unphased"

"Well, you saw how my Father was with me" Jaskier shrugged.

"But your--"

"They disowned me, Geralt" The Bard snapped, glaring daggers into Geralt's amber eyes. "I clearly meant nothing to either of them once that night was over"

The treasured notebook burned a hole in the back of Geralt's head, still hidden inside his bag. Many times Geralt contemplated giving Jaskier the book but never found the right moment to present the item, given this is how Jaskier was reacting to the news of his parents death, how would he react to this valued keepsake?

"You know," Jaskier starts, tapping the tabletop repeatedly with his right ring finger. "I've heard whispers of Yennefer being close-by, want me to take off for a while? Give you both time to catch up?"

"Hmm"

"Right," The tapping stopped "I'll grab my things, give you space"

"Jaskier," Geralt caught the Bard's arm "I didn't say yes"

"You know Yennefer hates me, no point you getting caught in the middle"

"You're grieving, Jaskier"

The brunette scoffed, smiling without it being real "Grief? Geralt, my family..." Jaskier loudly swallowed his next words "Tell Yennefer I said hello" Jaskier retrieved his arm back "I'm fine"

"You're not"

"Thanks,"

Geralt sighed, then happened to notice a pitcher in the room "I'm not drinking any ale you give me this time"

"Very funny, but I actually think it's better that I distance myself"

"Jaskier," Geralt warned

"She's in the last cottage on the edge of the village, it's distinctively Yennefer enough even I blind and deaf man would know a witch lived there"

Geralt sighed, watching Jaskier leave. The Witcher was not about to make the same mistake twice, he grabbed everything and chased after the Bard "Jaskier!" The Witcher received several glares as he rushed down the staircase, the Bard reaching the door "Jaskier" Geralt repeated following Jaskier's fading footsteps

The Bard was a few feet away when he finally stopped, head low "What do you want, Geralt?"

"To find out what's wrong"

"All this time, and you still can't understand me," 

Geralt wanted to make the argument that Witcher didn't have to understand human emotions, they are carved out of them before and during the Trials. They've had this kind of argument before and it had never been resolved properly

"Don't give me that same excuse, Geralt. I've been following you for years now, at least five give the time of year, where are we? Late spring, summer morn? How can you still not grasp when I don't want to discuss family with you, all that baggage it throws back"

"You always talk, Jaskier"

"But never about family, for a reason!" The Bard bearly screams, he snatched his items back from Geralt "How about this, you don't talk about your past, I won't talk about mine, fair?" There's clearly no question behind the shouting. Geralt nods anyway.

"Good. Now," Jaskier face switches a complete 180, brightening up with such force Geralt is sure Jaskier is connected to the sun.

"The White Wolf weaves his way through his warpath towards his wistful Witch, wondering where his next wayward hunt waits for him"

Geralt could only blink "What?" Jaskier chuckled at the baffled expression, or as close as baffled as Geralt could portray.

"Alliteration, my fellow friend. Quite a tasteful way to confuse the lesser skilled man of wordsmithing"

"You should put that in a song"

"Maybe I shall, now, your darling Yennefer awaits your arrival. I shall see you again soon, Geralt"

"Your coming"

It was Jaskier's turn to blink "What?" He voice cracking

"You heard me, I'm not going on a week-long search for you again, once was enough" Geralt led the way towards Yennefer's cottage, already scenting gooseberries and lilac in the air, dragging a less then enthused Bard behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, my schedule is overwhelming me right now and I'm honestly at my end.
> 
> I'm tired... not physically, but just so tired.
> 
> I've already let my emotions get the better of me three times today and I just want to spend a day in bed, or in company that isn't virtual but now that can't happen...
> 
> Be kind, these Chapters got away from me, as I said before. I'll explain my original plan for these Chapters afterwards but I don't know how it turned into this. I think I know how to end Part 2, I just need to get there
> 
> Also, apologies for the initial confusion of this being one Chapter, somehow missed the multi-chapters box.

"This feels unnecessary" Jaskier whined for the third time, Geralt ignoring him still

"Geralt," Jaskier moaned, "You know Yennefer and I don't get on, come on, I'll just wander the town, play at Oxenfurt, or take on a class, or several knowing how you and Yennefer spend your time"

Geralt paused his steps, allowing Jaskier to catch up from purposefully dragging his feet "You know that's not going to work on me,"

"I can still try,"

"We're here anyways"

"Great! Tell her I said Hello and now I'm leavi-- ah!" Jaskier was caught by the back of his collar, yanked backwards 

"Jaskier--"

"It's tradition to knock," The Witch made her presence known "though I suppose, that's neither of your strong suits. Geralt," She smiled, all for it to drop "Jaskier"

"Yennefer," Jaskier grumbled, still in Geralt's grasp, shook himself free

The mage gave Jaskier a strange look, "Jaskier?"

"Don't" his eyes darkened, his mood swinging a completely to chirp, announcing "Well, I'll let you both catch up" Jaskier spun on his heel, only to meet a wall inside her cottage "Mother of-- Stop it!"

"Grief is ugly, Jaskier. It'll add to your new crows feet"

"Okay, ow. You wound me so with yet another reminder that Mages and Witchers extend the life expectancy of fragile humans"

Geralt looked away, sighing quietly

"If it makes you feel better, Jaskier, I can cast a little de-aging spell on you when the time's right"

"As much as I appreciate that, Yennefer however I shall decline the generous offer" Jaskier hoped his expression landed on neutral "If you both will excuse me, I'll be in the other room"

After a soft click of the door Geralt gave his finest glare to Yennefer "That's not something I can fix" She replied

"I know, you don't need to rub it in"

Yennefer shrugged "He chose his life,"

"He was born a human and will remain a human"

"Hm, he may find another calling"

"Yennefer--"

"Someone is here, looking for me. I hoped I'd run into you, Geralt. I also happen to know a next of Striga happens to be on the edge of town"

"Look for you, what for?"

"Personal business, mostly"

"What did you do?"

"Nothing that I can't handle. With Jaskier, I meant what I said, grief is ugly. It's not a monster you can fight for him"

"I don't fight all his battles"

"No, just the majority. Come along, if I can find the man who before he finds me, I may let you have a special prize"

"If you don't?"

"Well, then maybe I'll have something else planned" Yennefer sauntered away, clearly wanting to be followed, Geralt couldn't find himself able to tell Jaskier they were leaving, Geralt made sure to close the door loud enough to let the Bard know of their departure.

Maybe an hour had passed, no stalker was found. Yet, when they returned the door was left ajar, Gerlat went first, his right hand ready to unsheathe his sword. The furniture was everywhere, some chairs were broken, a table upturned, even Jaskier's lute was abandoned on the ground, clearly dropped.

Both searched the area, no sign of Jaskier, nor any intruder.

"Geralt," Yennefer called,

The Witcher looked over to Yennefer, to see an arrow sticking out of a wooden beam, it wasn't deep

"Who exactly was after you, Yen?" Geralt demanded, kicking the next door open.

The next room was in shambles, Yennefer's potions and ingredients scattered across the floor and table as well as broken glass glittering against the floorboards "Those crystals were highly explosive, what the Hell did your Bard do?"

"He wouldn't do this,"

Jaskier was rarely curious about Mages, their magic and potions less so, he would look at them from afar and ask few questions about them. He would pull disgusted faces and take in a whiff of whatever was left in a bowl or in a pile on a flat surface but he would never touch.

"Ah," A male raspy voice called from the second floor, arrow and bow pointing towards Yennefer, Geralt readied his sword, sidestepping to protect her in three hasty strides

Jaskier appeared from behind screaming a warrior cry colliding into the archer, sending them tumbling down the stairs. The arrow fired but missed by miles, sticking in the floor.

The duo rolling over each other thumping onto the floor at a sudden stop, the archer remained on the staircase, upside down and a dagger in his ribs, Jaskier curled up on his side, his back facing the Witcher and Mage

"Jaskier?" Geralt was ready to run over to check on the Bard, who flinched at the noise and threw himself into the wall, sliding down it back to the floor, his eyes locked on the man he had just killed.

Jaskier was clearly out of breath, his clothes were ruffled, his face dirty and sweating and his hands covered in blood. No life-threatening visible marks from the altercation that Geralt could see, yet.

"Jaskier," Geralt tried again, "what happened?"

The slumped Bard slowly rolled his head towards them "Someone was looking for you two, they found me instead"


	3. Chapter 3

Jaskier head the door close behind Geralt, the pit in his stomach increased. Why couldn't Jaskier understand he didn't want to be around Yennefer like this, it was bad enough she could bask in the attention Geralt gave her but now she knew about his grieving, or what he supposed was grieving.

He hated his father, so why did it hurt to know he was dead, maybe because he took his mother with him, probably that. Thinking about it again, Jaskier felt more rage than sorrow against his parents dying, then nothing, then rage again.

Leaning heavily upon the table with all of Yen's potions, ingredients and glass bottles, keeping his hands as far away as possible Jaskier grit his teeth, hunch his shoulders and forced himself not to cry. His family didn't deserve his tears, Geralt even told him so that the night after the catastrophic ceremony.

Huffing out a sharp breath Jaskier picked up and adjusted his lute to rest on his stomach while his sat on the edge of the table, considering making a melody to burn would help. Plucking away randomly at strings and playing around with lyrics silently Jaskier heard someone slip through the door. Yennefer nor Geralt would make such a tip-toe entrance.

"Hello?"

Jaskier called himself a moron as he heard a muffled curse and furniture scrapping against the floor

"Shit," Jaskier swore himself "Think Jask. Think, think, think" The Bard spotted a crawl space to hide his lute in, however a man, armed with a bow and quiver aiming straight for him, Jaskier instinctively used his lute like a club, however was knocked away to the ground, Jaskier lost his balance from the hit. He was kicked in the chest into the table, breaking it down along with every item there.

Jaskier bucked his heel into the man's shin, barging past him to get to the door. An arrow shot into a standing beam to his right. A warning.

"Where's Yennefer?"

"How should I know?" Jaskier raced to a table, turning it on his side as cover.

"You're in her current home"

Jaskier knew he walked into that one "Just visiting"

"Liar!" The man hurdled over the table, now a dagger aimed at the Bard's chest, which Jaskier caught but struggled to keep the blade away, after kneeing the man in the crotch the blade caught his left hip, his trousers were deep navy blue, meaning if there was any blood it hopefully wouldn't be too obvious for the archer to use as a weakness and for Geralt to shout at him for later, well, more like loudly fuss over later.

Jaskier yelled out from the steel kiss, punching the archer in the face and stumbled to his feet, using a stray chair and smashed it against his back. The Archer then tackled him across the area, and began to throw Jaskier around the room, leaving destroyed chaos in his wake. Yennefer was going to kill him if the archer didn't. If he was lucky maybe Geralt to intervene.

Using a broken chair leg Jaskier swatted at the archer's face and limped his way up the stairs to hide.

The man followed him "Get back here! Yennefer, I know you're here too!"

"You're wasting your breath" Jaskier taunted, the corridors layout was a maze in the Bard's opinion, every Mage's priorities were in the wrong place when it came to their living spaces.

"Oh am I? Aren't you that pest who follows a Witcher like a lost puppy"

"Rude. I'm a Bard!" Jaskier shouted back

"You know," The man said, knocking then drawing another arrow "I could make this easier for you" Checking every corner, every nook, cranny and dark corner "I can spare you death at least, if the Witcher is your keeper, I doubt he'll take too kindly to me roughing you up"

"My keeper?!" Jaskier squawked, giving away his position "How dare you! Geralt is not my keeper, he's my friend. Treat him with respect!"

"You're making such strange demands. Witcher's don't have friends, emotions, people to watch, they don't care about any of that"

"Now who's the liar?" Jaskier whispered in his ear, punching him in the face, managing to grab and snap the arrow (pure luck and adrenaline on his side) their scuffle was short, or felt short as Jaskier was once against booted into a spare room, the bloodied knife pressed against the Bard's throat.

"You think yourself so perfect, riding coat tails of those who can protect you. Privilege is clear from your appearance, so what happened? Did your mother and father not love you enough"

Jaskier saw red, or maybe white as he had pummeled everything he had into the archer, wherever he could hit.

"Don't," Punch in the face "talk" Another, "about" Punch to the eye-socket "my mother" punch to the ribs, jawline and temple "like that!" His left arm was caught and Jaskier was sent to the floor from heels twisting around his neck, throwing his head and back to the ground.

Jaskier groaned, back arching and squirming to get away from the pain. The archer got up, kicked Jaskier in the side for good measure. The archer didn't realise that Jaskier had stolen the dagger hidden within his boot.

They heard the door squeak open, followed by footsteps

Jaskier silently yelled, then kicked again, opening the hip wound, which he weakly covered with shaking hands, blood had now seeped through the fabric onto his hands. Shit. Geralt would notice that. He heard the Archer stride away, stopping at the stairs

"Ah, there you are"

Oh no. No, no, no, no. Jaskier threw himself to his feet Jaskier let out a yell, initially aiming to try to knock the man's arm away from his target while plunging the stolen dagger into the man's chest, missing his heart though.

That was expected. what wasn't expected was the miss-step from the momentum sending the two down the wooden staircase.

Jaskier lay there on his side, both reeling and numb to his own pain while holding eye contact with a dead man, upside down on the staircase. 

"Jaskier," A familiar voice called

It made the Bard flinch, trying to get away but couldn't with his bleeding wound, he aimed for the wall to make himself a smaller target, he still couldn't take his eyes away from the archer.

"Jaskier," The Bard recognised that voice, it was Geralt. Geralt wouldn't hurt him, Yennefer, maybe, as her home was a mess but not his dear Witcher.

He tore his head away from the fresh corpse slowly, afraid he would come back and start hurting him again

"What happened?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, initially, this was not the plan.
> 
> Originally Yennefer and Geralt were supposed to be on the brink of leaving and Jaskier was going to have an emotional breakdown in the next room, flipping the table, breaking the furniture in his rage and nearly destroying his lute too in the process. Geralt stopped him and Jaskier huddles himself into the corner, screaming at Geralt to get away from him, wailing in despair.
> 
> Now, I will create this scene, just further down the road.


	4. Chapter 4

Geralt listened, retaking in Jaskier's appearance. he gestured to move closer, after a nod, it was clear the Bard was bleeding.

"You're injured"

"Knife wound, only caught my hip a little"

Geralt was pissed Jaskier had left that small detail out of the story, the wound wasn't deep but agitated, after carefully prodding Jaskier's body carefully it was discovered a few ribs on his left were bruised, they would heal after a while

Jaskier tried not to cringe or groan while Geralt checked him over, he caught a shade of violet "Sorry"

Yennefer hummed, "You're lucky none of the positions were ready, they were explosives"

Geralt shushed Jaskier as the Witcher double-checked the damaged ribs "They're not broken, just bruised, with the addition of your hip, maybe one to two weeks recovery, if you cooperate with me"

"Geralt," Jaskier whispered

"Yes?"

"Geralt, I..." The Bard shuddered, eyes growing wet "I killed him"

A firm 'Hmm' was given 

"I- I've never-- I don't-- I killed him!"

"The first kill is the hardest"

"It's not just him," Jaskier was shaking at this point, Geralt held him upright "There are other's here?" The Witcher could hear anymore heartbeats or footfalls inside the cottage, unless they were already dead.

"No, no. I... I killed them,"

"Who?" Geralt didn't understand, he never could with Jaskier

"Them. My parents, I killed them; their reputation ruined and family name in shambles, I killed them slowly, Geralt. There's no way I could continue living--"

"Shut up, Bard. You didn't kill that bastard and your mother, they're human, they died naturally of illness"

"It's true," Yen's voice cut through. Geralt sent another look her way "What? Human die of diseases everyday. His parents aren't any different"

"Not now," The Witcher snarled at the Mage.

"It's my fault, Geralt. It's all my fault"

Shit, Geralt didn't console people, even Jaskier. 

"Jaskier, you didn't. They passed in their sleep, you and I were the other side of the Continent"

"Exactly" Jaskier interrupted "I smeared their-- _my mother's name_ through the dirt across for so long she died of humiliation"

"Stop it," Geralt gripped Jaskier's shoulders, having to compress the urge to shake the Bard until his wits returned "You did nothing wrong, your father's life ended, your mother followed him, that's all"

"They didn't love me, Geralt. Parents, aren't they supposed to?"

Neither Geralt nor Yennefer could answer that as one was abandoned at Kaer Morhen's doorstep, the other was sold to a Witch for coin

"In an ideal world," The Mage spoke up, "But from what I know about you, your mother definitely did"

Jaskier exhaled, eyes rolling back. The shock had finally wore off, sending the Bard flopping into Geralt's chest. Geralt grumbled to himself, resting his chin upon Jaskier's crown. The Witcher lifted the Bard bridal style to rest on a couch

Yennefer snapped her fingers, the mess cleaned up. The corpse remained on the staircase, Geralt removed the knife, he would keep it and maybe give it to Jaskier when he felt comfortable

"I'll burn the body outside, watch him" Geralt ordered

Five minutes past and Geralt returned, spotting Yennefer perched on the arm of the couch, looming over Jaskier's head "His parents died of illness, yet he holds guilt like he personally did it"

"Jaskier would take the blame because that's what he does. He's stupidly empathetic and compassionate, he's spent years trying to clear my name in his own way, it'll never happen but he tries, never discouraged and ready to shout and scream at anyone who dares to look at me wrong"

"How human"

"Hmm"


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I accidently wrote a monologue for Jaskier when I should have been sleeping and don't really remember doing it.

A week later Jaskier limped his way out of the cottage with Geralt, insisting he was fine. Knowing he'd missed the funeral allowed the Bard to breathe slightly easier.

"You're riding Roach if you're insisting on this," Geralt attempted for the fifth time that morning as they walked, well Geralt walked, Jaskier was struggling.

"I'm fine, a little sore but you've marched away from worse"

"Jaskier," Geralt snapped, fixing Roach's saddle "You know I am created to handle more than a human. You're still limping"

"Thank you for pointing that out, again in five minutes my dear Witcher but honestly, I need to, the last time I rode on your gracious mare I cried on your shoulder, I'd rather not bleed all over her coat this time"

"How many times have you wrangled me on her saddle while bleeding?"

"That's different"

Geralt knew where this was going. "How?" 

"It's you. Roach is your horse, she knows you better than I do. Plus, Roach doesn't like my blood, she only tolerates you and monster pieces"

"Hmm. If you fall behind more than five paces, I'm tethering you" Geralt began to pull Roach along, walking alongside the Bard would cease any unceremonious falls to the ground.

"Oooh. I haven't had that kind of fun in a while-- joking, my dear" Jaskier had to surrender from the fire amber glare sent his way, hobbling along.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes. Now, we're losing daylight and I don't intend on stopping"

"In that case,"

"What are you doing?!" Jaskier yelped as Geralt bent down and wrapped an arm around Jaskier's middle, as he straightened Jaskier was propped on his shoulder "Ow! Let go of me, you horses' arse!" He emphasised his insult with thumps to his back, only hurting his hand on the padded armor

Roach whined, shaking her head 

"I think you insulted her"

"I was talking to you!"

"Stop being childish"

"I will when you put me down!" Jaskier resorted to slapping his back instead and wriggling

"Fine," 

Jaskier could hear the smirk in Geralt's tone "Wait--" Jaskier was thrown over Roach like a sack of potatoes, winding him slightly "Ouch"

"Shut up, Bard"

"No! If I'm going to speak to you I need to face you"

"No you don't"

Geralt did eventually walk around the other side of Roach to see Jaskier pouting, arms crossed and bouncing against his chest

"Stop coddling me"

"I'm not,"

"Then why am I lying across Roach?"

"You're injured"

"That's no excuse"

Geralt pulled a face "You're not me, Jaskier. Stop trying to prove yourself like that. You're not invincible"

Both caught on this was a reverse of their usual argument, normally it was Jaskier berating Geralt time after time during the aftermath of a finished hunt, usually while Jaskier patched up any wounds

"I've never said you're invincible, ever"

"Some think Witcher's are"

"Then they've never met you"

"True, but not all Witchers have an extra accomplice to distract them during critical moments of a hunt"

"I keep my distance"

"But you still make enough noise to leer monsters into attacking you"

"I only do that if it looks like you're about to be eaten to killed, or both"

The argument between the Witcher and the human continued for a while, stopping and starting all while Jaskier remaining on Roach's back while Geralt walking beside them.

"OK, please can we stop. I can feel my ribs grinding against Roach's spine at this point"

Geralt huffed a breath "Fine, Roach could do with a break anyway"

Jaskier pretended to not be smirking at the remark, Geralt did care, in his own obscure way, faking it was about being concerned for only Roach. 

Jaskier was allowed to stretch his legs and walk in little circles, using trees as balance while he recited and composed new songs through humming 

"Are you alright?" Geralt wondered, sharpening his swords

"Yes, just thinking of new lyrics and how to fit them into my new melody. You can guess the subject matter if you like"

"Rose?"

"No, but I have been playing around with small poems for her, 'Golden Petals' and 'Snowdrops' are my best works yet" Jaskier appreciated Geralt remembering Amelia's chosen name. How he wished she could be here with them now.

"What are your lyrics?"

"Well with my parents now in the grave, I thought it seemed fit to give them a tribute song, so far all I can think of is "The monster brooded in the dark while the light cradled me to sleep"

Geralt stopped what he was doing "Jaskier,"

"I'm fine, Geralt. Really" The wide-eyes and pale face said otherwise

"Hmm"

"Don't be grumpy with me, White Wolf"

"You don't have to do this, Jaskier" Geralt wasn't sure if his next words sounded right out loud "Putting on this façade for me"

"Façade? Geralt you were present a year ago, yes?" Jaskier words carried bite, he didn't like talking about that night

"Yes--"

"Then stop mentioning it. I don't want to think about it. I get we can't and shouldn't compare childhoods but at least you know someone loved you in your family"

Geralt sighed, Jaskier was convinced his mother despised him and Witcher didn't know how to convince him otherwise besides that damned book. That book, so small, so fragile, so powerful that it overwhelmed the Witcher with pressure "You're wrong, Jaskier"

A laughed choked out of Jaskier "I think I would know my family more than you would"

"The ceremony-- that night show me more than you have ever mentioned in years of following me across the Continent"

"Don't start, Geralt" Jaskier's tone fell flat, his passion and vibrancy wiped out of him "I'm not in the mood for this talk"

"Jaskier, I know you. You've never shown anything but... a smile"

"What?"

"I mean," Geralt grumbled "You never show more than just your performance act"

Jaskier's face turned dark, his voice dropping to a whisper "I assure you, Geralt, the world knows how I feel about... _certain_ things"

"I don't"

"Do I have to tell you everything?"

"No-"

"Exactly how many times a day, no an hour do you tell me 'Shut up' or 'Fuck off, Bard' simply because you don't want to hear what I have to say? Or when you tune me out! Don't think I don't notice that, it's unbearably rude and no matter what you're talking about, hunts, monsters, Yennefer, Kaer Morhen, your brothers, do I ever stop you?"

Jaskier didn't give Geralt time to answer

"No! I get excited and ask a hundred questions because that's what friends are meant to do, get to know each other. I'm sure you could tell me anything about Yennefer at the drop of a hat. I am thrilled you've met someone Geralt and if you'd rather spend time with her, tell me, don't drag me over to exchange pleasantries because it doesn't work"

The Bard had to lean against a tree, his hip and leg were throbbing, the frustration wasn't helping either "The first decade of my life was spent being shoved in front of people I didn't know or care to know and then when I dared to ask a question or step out of line I got beaten for it, punished and condescended to for it, it's why I left, it's why I became a Bard, it's why I dropped the name Julian Alfred Pankratz of Lettenhove, future heir and Viscount of that region. Being crammed into submission was not a life to be led into ruling part of the Continent"

Jaskier hadn't realised how emotional he had become, tear-tracks had already woven their way into his skin. Geralt had been stunned into silence and couldn't not look at Jaskier now, the Witcher understood now why Jaskier wasn't phased by his parent's death; Jaskier hid who he truly was beneath his Bardic profession and lifestyle, this was Julian making his way back to the surface in the realisation of grief actually affecting him.

"How I am now is just the ability to embrace the world with open arms. Don't you dare accuse me of being weak or pathetic for this, but I thought we were closer than that. how long exactly has it been, Geralt? Years! Years of endless adventures and injuries, stories, scars, our pasts, I take hold of all of that and express it towards the world like I couldn't before. Would you really be the way you are if you hadn't had the childhood you did?!"

Thick silence engulfed them. Jaskier's guilt overwhelmed his features, he wobbled away from Geralt. 

Shock rammed itself into Geralt's chest. He continued to stare at Jaskier's now retreating back. The final outburst hadn't been expected, Jaskier was OK before they stopped, in some pain yes, but he had a fresh hip wound, on top of... oh, of course. 

Jaskier couldn't handle being overwhelmed, his defense was a practiced skill, words were his weapon and his profession a shield. 

No different than Geralt using his swords, casting and wearing armor.

"Come, Roach" Geralt beckoned, following Jaskier's trail once again, he hadn't gone far. Perched on top of a sharp rock watching a needle-thin stream pass him by, his upper-body hunched, while his palms leaned heavily into the stone, keeping his upright, avoiding pressure on his injury

The duo stood in silence still, Jaskier's regret was clear, as was his shame.

Geralt wouldn't ask for an apology, he never did because he didn't care, his life was the Path and that would always be his life. If Geralt was asked he would tell them he couldn't remember his childhood clearly, all he knew was being a Witcher, the trials and monsters, nothing human in his life except Jaskier.

Jaskier raised his head, tears brimming but wouldn't fall. He opened his mouth but only a wheeze of breath escaped

"I have no idea where or what I would be right now if it weren't for meeting Vesemir. Probably dead long ago or maybe be like you, chasing impossible dreams and made-up stories of the unknown"

Jaskier nodded, only looking ahead "Destiny, sure knows how to Fuck with us, doesn't it?" There was a joke in there, Geralt had to find it first.

"Are you able to keep going?"

"At a painstakingly slow pace, but yes"

"I'm not carrying you, nor is Roach"

"Oh, you've seen right through me, Geralt" Jaskier exaggerated heartbreak, placing a hand on his chest "How ever will I survive?"

"How you survive Winter, is beyond me, Jaskier"

"Hey," Jaskier swatted his friend's arm "I'll have you know I'm a well-respected Professor at Oxenfurt"

"Well-respected by who, exactly?"

The inhuman squawk and gaping mouth were enough to let Geralt know he won that fight. He hoped he could recover this smoothly with the next outburst to come. Humans, Jaskier is particular, were unpredictable in their emotions.

Maybe because it was Jaskier, Geralt could figure it out eventually.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably should have split this Chapter in two, but I'm not sure where I would have done it

Lettenhove's gates were in sight once again.

Jaskier had been staring at them for about ten minutes, Geralt patiently waiting beside him upon Roach. Jaskier's hip had almost healed, he was still a little unstable on his feet now and then but he was on the right side of recovery.

"Are you sure?" Geralt questioned

"Yes, I just... I'm still thinking I'm going to get decapitated as soon as I step foot inside"

"You would still be talking while it happened" Geralt almost smirked, Jaskier noticed it.

"Good to know you have my back, dear Witcher"

"Hmm"

"Oh come on, you would let them kill me like that? No dignity, no final words, just..." Jaskier joked died in his throat, his good mood vanishing.

Geralt cursed under his breath, sliding of from Roach's saddle, who butted her nose into Jaskier's chest, ears dropped in sympathy.

"Jaskier,"

"Let's go, I think it's best to make this quick. I still want to visit Kaer Morhen this year, I've heard glorious tales and want to see it for myself" The faux excitement made the Witcher's ears ring. He led Roach only a pace behind Jaskier, ready to shove the Bard out of harm's way or grab him to hightail it out of Lettenhove before swords were drawn.

"What have you heard about Kaer Morhen, other than what I've told you"

"You've barely told me anything," Some of Jaskier was back, but not completely "Well, from what rumors I've picked up it's barely livable, birthplace of monsters-- not that I believe that, really. I don't consider you a monster or mutant or--"

"Jaskier,"

"Right, well, that and uh, it's the school of the Wolf, not much is known about it past homing Witchers, and apparently not many schools can re-develop the methods to making Witchers"

"You're right. The few Witchers who are left are the last. My two brothers, myself and Vesemir are the more populated of schools"

"That's only four!"

"Exactly,"

"Oh," Jaskier walked in silence again for a while.

No guards or villagers bothered Jaskier, nor Geralt. The received the odd stare, whisper or exaggerated sidestep away from their path. 

The castle walls peaked over the trees, Jaskier tripped over himself, shuddering. Geralt had demanded to know where the graves were, Jaskier couldn't find himself to open his mouth in fear of his throat slit, it turned out they were buried behind the castle in the gardens, his mother's request.

"I uh... I," Jaskier chuckled humorlessly "I... need to do something first. You can, uh. I don't know what you do for fun, it doesn't exist in your vocabulary, but--" Jaskier stopped, hands covering his mouth

"Jaskier?"

"I... can't. May I, uhm... borrow the spare pack, the empty one?"

"Yes," Jaskier was given the requested item, who seemed lost

Jaskier muttered a thanks and left, Geralt wasn't sure if he was to follow, the Bard had no weapons and the pack couldn't be used in any way dangerous, the Witcher wasn't sure what to do. Taking Roach's reigns again, muttering an "I know" at her snorting he walked them to a nearby stream. 

Seeing the open space Geralt trained, sometimes using the trees as his opponents, often that would annoy Roach so Geralt moved on. Once completed he decided to meditate, after time passed he could hear familiar footfalls behind him, Geralt decided to keep his eyes shut.

"I see you chose to have your fun, poor defenseless bark never stood a chance" Jaskier commented, "At least Roach managed to win an apple or two"

Geralt listened as Jaskier bribed her with a ruby apple, "See? I'm nice to you"

"You'll spoil her" 

"Well you never do it, someone has to show their appreciation"

Roach whined, trotting on the spot

"What are you doing, now?"

"Have a look, tada"

Geralt opened his opaque eyes to see an array of flowers neatly intwined into Roach's maine, a few resting upon her head. Now that Geralt noticed, flowers were tangled in Jaskier's crown too

"That's what you needed to do?" Geralt cursed, his tone shifting to more annoyed than curious "That's not what I meant" He tried to back-peddle, yet it was too late as Jaskier's face had fallen

"Yeah, it helped"

"I didn't--"

"I think we should go,"

"Jaskier,"

"It was pointless coming here, Geralt"

"You told me to make sure you did this," If Geralt could do something right, in his mind, it would be keeping Jaskier's head somewhat level.

"I did?"

"Yes, two days ago you made me swear to drag you there if I had to"

"I suppose I did, didn't I?" Jaskier wiped away a stray tear,

The Witcher had a thought "Is that a tradition?"

"Is what a tradition?"

"The flowers"

"Oh, this? No, my Father hated them actually, it was thanks to my mother and sisters that I learned how to do make the crowns. My once spat in my face telling me 'That's the closest you'll get to wearing such royal attire on your head, Julian' to spite him I wore crowns around him, made sure the flowers were large too. I even presented him one in front of his colleagues, so he couldn't refuse it" Jaskier huffed a laugh, a real one. "He beat me for it that night, brutally, but it was worth it"

"Will you keep it?"

"I think so, probably just for today as they tend to wilt with the night air"

"Are there any left?"

"Yes, I filled the bag you gave me. I have something a little more human to do before we leave"

"Hmm"

"Uh, Geralt? Would you mind, if I..?" Jaskier gestured to the Witcher

Geralt changed his position from kneeling to sitting crossed legged "Would you like me to join you?" Presenting his back and hair-tie to Jaskier as his answer.

"I... not that don't appreciate the offer but I'm not sure you'll want to see me in such a state, I can barely to stand to think about it, being there, next to them like that," Jaskier paused in untying Geralt's hair, the Bard got up, Geralt thought he had taken a misstep again until a comb began to weave through and untangle knots formed over their journey.

"I don't want you to think less of me" Jaskier mumbled, gentle in his touch

"I wouldn't"

Jaskier halted his actions, weighing his options "I think... I think I would like some company"

"Good," Geralt was trying to figure out what Jaskier was doing, he could feel strands on his right peripheral being pulled and twisted, being held in place, the action being repeated on his left.

"Almost done," Jaskier uttered, tying the two twists together with Geralt's band "Keep still"

"Hmm"

"I'm not going to ruin your surly I'm-scary-stay-away-from-me Witcher facade, just two flowers on each side, their small and amber-yellow. Care to guess why?"

"I can think of a few reasons"

"All finished"

Geralt carefully traced over the new braids, feeling the flowers inside the weaves "Thank you"

"Your welcome, I think it suits you, if they irritate you too much I'll take it out"

"It's fine"

"Right, okay. I think I'm ready to go" Jaskier cringed a little, all the bending and rising taking a toll on his injury.

Geralt stood up, undoing Roach from the branch.

"I guess I'll lead the way" Jaskier fiddled, picking up his lute and the bag, Geralt following his shadow

The gardens were beautiful, the grasss fresh and lush, two marble gravestones shining against the high sun. They looked out of place in Geralt silent opinion, he stayed back by the trees and if Jaskier was capable of doing so, grew more quiet as he drew closer. The Bard left his lute by Geralt's side.

Jaskier stopped, staring at the graves as if they'd disappear, words ready to escape but nothing coming out. The Bard made himself busy by taking out bunches and bouquets, placing them all over the gravestones, surrounding them, large chains resting on the top of the stones, his movements robotic, his eyes vacant. Once his work was complete, the Bard's knees gave out, Geralt strode over as Jaskier settled himself on the ground

"Are you alright?"

"I don't know,"

Geralt felt awkward, standing over Jaskier, "Isn't it customary to say something?"

Jaskier deflated "Go away, Geralt" He whispered

"What?"

"Go away. You got me here, you can go now"

"Jaskier--"

"Geralt, please" Jaskier begged, wet cornflower eyes meeting stern golden ones. Geralt couldn't help but be reminded of Jaskier's mother, desperately giving him that book "I'd rather not argue right now" Jaskier curled up, knees to his chest and head down

Geralt did retreat, saying "I'm going to set up camp but the stream, if you're not there by sunset, I'm coming back"

Jaskier nodded, numb to the world around him. The weight of thick material was draped over his shoulders, Geralt's cloak. The Bard pulled the material tightly around his trembling body

"Jaskier," Geralt growled at himself "I don't know much about your family but I do know this, your mother, she did love you"

Jaskier's doublet squeaked at the extra tense effort of body-shrinking, Geralt's cloak wrapping twisting around him

Geralt left, an apology unsaid between then as Jaskier demanded Geralt leave him again.

Nightfall had cast out its darkened glory. The Wticher sat watching the fire cast shadows around the area, Roach dozing away. 

Geralt told himself to go back to Jaskier, then remembered Jaskier would scream at him again, conflicted, Geralt hunted, ate his share and waited, he then meditated, or attempted to and when Roach began to doze Geralt finished his training for the night.

Pissed at his Bard Geralt was ready to march back and hog-tie Jaskier back to camp, he was ready to storm back over until hearing a slight hitch in breath. Saltwater wafted its scent towards the Witcher

"Sorry I took so long,"Jaskier's voice uneasy "I think I re-opened the wound. I should get one of these for myself, I kept tripping over yours"

"Hmm" Geralt gave Jaskier a thorough once-over from afar, the wound was strained but not reopened

The silence between them sat thickly.

Jaskier had been staring at the stars, lute lying in his lap. "How did you know?" He asked quietly, still looking upwards

"Know what?"

"My mother"

Geralt sighed, stealing a glance at his bag, wishing he didn't have the cursed book anymore "She spoke to me, after you left"

"Oh?"

"I almost walked away from her, but she looked too much like you"

That caught Jaskier's attention "Really? How so?"

"Hmm"

"Oh come on, don't do that. Don't dangle the conversation like that"

"Your eyes. I couldn't turn away because it was like having a conversation with you"

"I knew you weren't immune to them" Jaskier laughed "I've managed to use them more times than I care to admit to get myself out of situations"

"I'm sure,"

"Hey! I can be a delight, and a real charmer when I need to be"

"Is this before or after you've had your way with their spouses, trying to cover your tracks or save your cock?"

"Cruel. But mostly after" Jaskier smiled a little, it dropped when he questioned "What did she say?"

_"Wait, please. I need-- Please, could you give this to my son, please" She begged, thrusting a small, worn and battered notebook towards his chest, Geralt took a step back._

_"You've done enough"_

_"I know, all I ask is for this favour. I would hate to see this ruined, or lost"_

"She was scared of me, I think. She just wanted me to find you to keep you safe" It wasn't entirely untrue.

"That didn't answer my question"

"She asked me to do her a favour, gave me coin and I left to find you"

"A favour? Let me guess, make sure he's found outside of the ground to keep his tainted blood from contaminating the family" Jaskier hissed, sneering, throwing his lute aside

"No" Geralt snapped

"Then what?" Jaskier matched his tone

"She told me about the flowerbeds where I found you, she said it was your favourite place as a child"

Any frustration from Jaskier's eyes vanished "She listened to me?"

"Weren't you close with her?"

"Yeah, well closer to her than with my father" Jaskier rolled himself over, declaring he was going to sleep. The Witcher pulled a disapproving face at the Bard's back

 ** _"Grief is ugly"_ **Yennefer's voice cut through Geralt's mind. The Witcher knew she was right, he wished he knew how to help.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah the calm before the storm

Jaskier and Geralt had been invited inside the castle. Despite Jaskier physically lacking compared to Geralt, the Witcher felt it near-impossible to move the Bard an inch

"Jaskier, you accepted the invitation" Geralt reminded him for the fifth time in a row

"I know, but I can't go back there"

Geralt growled, tempted to throw the Bard over his shoulder and leave Lettenhove for good but knew he'd get an earful from Jaskier later, so once again tugging at the Bard's arm "Come on, you don't have to stay for long, but you did accept the invitation"

"Why didn't I burn it?" He mumbled

"Because you made sure I didn't let you"

"Damn it"

"Five minutes, then we can leave"

"Thank you," Jaskier looked seconds away from breaking down, his head hung low while fidgeting with his hands.

"Julian," Arianna, the new Viscountess called over

"It's Jaskier," Both males corrected, Geralt's being the louder voice for once.

"Jaskier," She spoke again "You've been requested, she told me to tell you, 'a rose petal has fallen', she said she knew what that meant"

"Yes," Jaskier smirked "I take it she's outside?"

"In the gardens. where you would sit for hours and forget your lessons"

"Joining me?" Jaskier whispered to his friend

"If you wish"

Jaskier nodded, having to strain his body to not reach for Geralt's hand, he needed the pressure or just the hand in general

"What's wrong?" Geralt questioned

"Nothing, just uh, being back again"

Geralt was ready to grab the Bard and run however his plan was intercepted by a young golden-haired child "Uncle Jaskier!"

The Bard bent down and swiped her off her feet, his expression blissfully joyful "Oh, hello my little Rose, how are you faring today?"

"I'm ok, did you get my message?"

"I did"

"And?"

"And I think you're growing into a wonderful poet, did you receive my letters?"

"Yeah," She draped herself over Jaskier's chest and shoulder, waving at Geralt with a toothy grin, a nod was returned, sending her into a giggles

"Is the Witcher making faces?"

"No, he's just funny. Did you bring Ruth?"

"Roach," Geralt reminded

"Yeah, Roach?"

"Yes, she's in the stables"

"No doubt being pampered in luxury, you really should do that more, Geralt"

"Hmm"

"Uncle Jask?" Rose spoke up, breaking the silence as they sat in the gardens. Geralt was meditating, Rose lay on Jaskier's lap.

"Yeah?"

"Do you miss them?"

Geralt's eyes slightly at the question, his actions unnoticed by either of the duo 

"Uhm... well, I do miss my mother, but I'd rather not have gloomy thoughts today, I'm still delighted I get to see you"

"I miss her too," She whimpered

Jaskier tsked, curling around the girl in a tight embrace, he caught Geralt watching them, his expression may have looked neutral to anyone else, but Jaskier knew Geralt was disheartened too

"She was lovely, wasn't she"

"Mmhm"

"Come now, no tears today" Jaskier petted her curls

"Are you leaving too?"

"Leaving, you know I'm not allowed to stay here for long, what do you mean?

"Like Grandmother?"

Realisation struck "No, not like that petal. Not for a while at least"

"Really?"

"Of course. I've still got a few years left of my prime, you know Geralt's older than me, look at all the white hair"

"Yeah, he's old"

Jaskier snorted, Geralt only rolled his eyes, no anger behind them, mild annoyance at a push.

"Witchers are allowed to live longer, to make sure they can get rid of all the bad things in the world"

"Huh" The gears visibly turning inside her head "That must mean he's really old"

Jaskier laughed, "Yeah, but the adventures he's travelled, the stories crafted and told about Witchers will last forever"

"Like your songs?"

"Yeah, maybe those too. I'm sure the world will see how good Witchers really are, maybe it will take a long time, but it could also happen in your lifetime too"

"I hope so, I like him"

"Thank you. I like you too" Geralt awkwardly stated

"Amelia!" Her mother called "Time for lessons"

Jaskier deflated, Rose following his example "Do I have too?" She whined 

"Afraid so, don't worry, they get easier as you grow up, then when you're old enough you don't have to listen to them anymore. Then you can have fun"

"I'll always listen to you"

"Thank you, Rose. Now off you go, I'm sure your tutor will love your new works, if not, he's dealing with me" Rose giggled again, hugging Jaskier tight. 

Rose reminded Geralt of Jaskier, when they met in Posada, wide-eyed, naïve and light all but glowing from their bodies. Jaskier still had a spark, but it seemed dimmed now, maybe with time and Geralt knew he didn't help the situation but Jaskier was defeated by this loss. The Witcher hoped the Bard could shine bright again after overcoming this hurdle, he had to give him that book today.

Rose trotted off, waving at the pair as she left

"Jaskier," Geralt mouth opened before his brain caught on 

"Yes?"

"I have something for you, it's in the stables with Roach"

"Oh! You bought me a gift, Geralt? How sweet of you, I haven't gotten you something, why didn't you say? Of course, it is you, you always claim to never want anything--" Jaskier froze, realising he had taken over the conversation, so like him.

"How many times, Witchers are not sweet" Geralt growled out

"How many times must you pout at that endearment"

"Well, am I to guess or wait for this present?"

"Once we're inside, you told me you wanted to say goodbye to your old life, for good this time"

"Yeah," Jaskier's light dimmed again, Geralt wanted to fix that "OK, you go get the present, I'll be in my old room, do you want me to show you where it is first?"

"I'll find you, you're easy to track down with noise alone" Geralt would never mention he knew Jaskier by his scent, Jaskier would have a field day with that information.

Jaskier threw himself upwards, taking in the gardens "One last time" He muttered to himself, clearing his throat he let out a proposition to Geralt "Care to join me for a tour of the grounds?"

Geralt supposed it was better than going straight to Roach, "We still have a minute to spare"

Jaskier smiled, something that was rarely true with the Bard anymore "Thank you"

Jaskier led the way, teh grounds were beautiful, flowerbeds and gardens lush with colourful life and ancient trees, a handful of times Jaskier stopped, either forcing himself not to break or picking a flower to add to his now-growing collection.

"Another crown?" Geralt gave a hint at a smile, his tone keeping to the neutral side of positive.

"Would it bother you?"

Oh. It was for him? Geralt shook his head anyways, if it made Jaskier feel better Geralt would allow his entire armor to be covered in flowers.

"I think I'll make one for myself too, and Rose one too if I have enough"

"I can imagine you getting lost in these grounds as a child"

"You know, that's not untrue"

"How old were you?"

"Let's think, uhm... maybe four years old, younger? I'm not too sure, young enough to know something pretty caught my attention then I wandered into the wrong area"

"So nothing's changed"

Jaskier stopped, to suddenly bellow out laughter, he had folded over so far some flowers began to fall and settle around his feet

"You're right," He breathed between his ending chuckles, Geralt smirked, seeing Jaskier like this for the first time in over a year felt like a breath of fresh air. If only it could last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had created the meltdown Chapter as promised.
> 
> But this is also a day I had to get up at 04:55am for work so hopefully it is what people desire to read.
> 
> I shall posted tomorrow.
> 
> Any reviews, three words or less, would be greatly appreciated.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.
> 
> Finally managed to create (and now post) the breakdown chapter.

Jaskier finished the tour, leading Geralt to the stables then parting ways "You never gave any hints"

"It's a surprise"

Jaskier pouted "Come on, nothing to give it away?"

"No," 

Jaskier whined, taking his pout with him after receiving a look from Geralt. 

The Witcher used his moment to carefully unpack the book, he had wrapped it in a silky material after a particularly mud-covered shirt had been tossed into his bag haphazardly, nearly defiling the book and it's contents, guilt and regret washed over Geralt colder than the pond he bathed in that night as punishment. 

Jaskier had no clue as to why Geralt dashed off that night, or asked to borrow the material, Geralt made the flimsy excuse of his potion bottles potentially breaking on the hunt and Jaskier had immediately passed over the material. Geralt felt bad for covering more of the truth, but in this instance he chose the lesser evil, no matter how much it weighed on him to do so.

He brushed and petted Roach before she butted him away for her own rest "Goodnight, Roach"

Jaskier followed Jaskier's scent, as well as the flowers, acting like breadcrumbs until Geralt reached his door. Jaskier was humming what sounded like 'Toss a Coin' and the Witcher couldn't help but snort, he swore that Jaskier sung that blasted tune in his sleep.

He knocked, it seemed the right thing to do, confusing both himself and Jaskier who opened the door with a baffled expression "Come in," He gestured with his head

"Is that the silk I gave you ages ago?"

"Yes"

"Is that the gift?"

"No"

"Oh, can I see it?"

Geralt handed the covered book over. Jaskier sat down on his bed, unfolding with a feather-like touch revealed his present. "A notebook, thank you"

"Look inside,"

An exaggerated gasp left Jaskier "Is the dear Witcher starting to compose?!"

"Of course," A deadpan reply

Jaskier laughed "Really, Geralt. It's a shame you don't..." Jaskier began to absently flip through the book, and noticed the writing "This... This is-- This is my writing, when I was a child" Jaskier stared at the open pages "How did you get this?"

Geralt 'Hmm'ed, only looking at the book.

"Geralt" Jaskier demanded harshly, eyes full of fire as he stood up.

Before the Witcher could reply something fell out of the back of the book. Jaskier picked it up, the paper worn, crisp folded edges, and the ink was a little faded.

"You kept this from me" Jaskier spat, after staring at the parchment

"I wasn't sure when to give it back"

"This, Geralt this, the last-- Do you have any idea how betrayed I feel right now?!"

"That wasn't my intention"

"Fuck your intentions!" Rarely did Jaskier raise his voice, even more of a rare day for it to be raised at Geralt. This wasn't shouting, or yelling, no this was a warrior's cry of rage

_"My dearest Julian_

_Only during your father's and I anniversary shall I be able to see you again, regret lays heavy in my heart about that. I have missed you in more ways than I care to think about._

_I have left you this, and countless other letters inside this book as my way to tell you how dearly I hold you close to my heart._

_My little petal, my Julian, my warm glowing Jaskier, I have and shall always love you with all my heart from your first until my last breath. No matter who you are or what your future holds you will always be in my thoughts as my cherished babe._

_I could not be more thrilled for your choices of becoming a Bard, you love life, adventure and music and even I may never have chosen a better profession to suit you, my petal._

_Ignore whatever your father says, he is a damned man and will be for all eternity._

_Never forget this; I adore you, my beloved troublemaker._

_I leave to you, this gift and your old poems, stories and music you made at the ripe age of four and beyond. Even then you had skill and talent beyond your years to come. The joy those brought me by reading them in my darkest moments reminded me who my son has become, and how proud I am of him for following his dreams and ambitions._

_Never give up, my petal. Whether that be on your dreams, on your life, on cursing your father's name until you turn blue faced. I will always love and be proud of you._

_Viscountess De Lettenhove"_

"Why?!" Tears streamed down Jaskier's cheeks "Why would you keep this from me? A whole year I have been adamant my mother loathed me and you never let me know about this shred of redemption!"

"I never read it"

"No, you just kept it hidden from me, until you felt it right to stab me in the heart!"

"Jaskier-"

"No! Get out!" Jaskier shoved at the Witcher's chest, only sending him back one step "Get out, Geralt! I can't look at you, I have spent how many nights, days, hours, whatever crying on your shoulder about this?! Get the fuck away from me!"

Geralt only blinked, remaining rooted to the spot

"Get," Jaskier threw his right fist at Geralt's face, caught with ease, not even breaking eye contact "the fuck," The same result with his left "out..." Jaskier broke, dropping to the carpet with a solid thud. The paper flew to the side of the room from being let go.

Geralt knelt down in front of Jaskier, releasing the Bard's arms, which was the wrong move as Jaskier grabbed a fire poker and swung at Geralt, it caught his cheek but nothing more than a light cut, already healing. When that didn't work Jaskier swung downwards, the poker metal clanged against an mahogany oak table behind Geralt as he sidestepped.

The impact rung through Jaskier's fingertips to his elbows, he dropped the poker and lifted the table, hurling it towards Geralt, which was batted away.

"Get out!" Jaskier roared, the poor table was assaulted further as Jaskier smashed it on the floor then the bed frame. 

Chaos spreads like wildfire

Jaskier simultaneously trashed his room, destroying all the furniture, sheets, pillows, covers while continuing to attack Geralt, screaming at the Witcher to leave.

Splinters, feathers, cotton, silk, even glass was glittering the carpet, Geralt had been maneuvered to the door, Jaskier swinging at him again with a wooden shard, tears and rage blinding Jaskier, his voice broken and hoarse from the screaming, shouting and unloading all his fighting cries while attacking Geralt. The Witcher avoided the spear with ease and lightly pushed Jaskier back to avoid hurting his friend.

Jaskier's hands were red raw to the point of bleeding, his face blotchy scarlet, tears, snot and drool streaking down his face. He wanted to hurt Geralt, he truly did and would stop at nothing to do so, but the bastard was quick and had a lifetime of reflexes to his name. Cursing Jaskier tried and tried again to no avail, he was running out of steam, weapons and ideas. Whether or not it was subconscious Jaskier grabbed his lute, instead of a song, he was swinging for Geralt.

Seeing the lute in the air made Geralt panic, he ducked at the instrument body was swung towards his head, but missed again. 

Jaskier stopped, his lute's neck in his blood-dripping and shaking hands. Huffing his breath back Jaskier continued to death-glare the inanimate object he remembered the hard spots beneath the carpet, the lute may as well be destroyed too. The furniture, the room, their friendship, Jaskier's belief's, his friendship with Geralt or well, more accurately... everything he gave to Geralt may as well be broken too.

Gritting his teeth, raising his lute above his head he threw all of his body weight into the downwards swing. The lute was barely centimeters from hitting the floor before being tackled by Geralt

"Jaskier!"

The Witcher ripped the lute out of blood soaked hands and placed it aside. He then pinned Jaskier on to his side, squirming and pathetic slaps were sent towards Geralt, the Witcher sat behind the flailing Bard and wrapped his right leg over both of Jaskier's, in retaliation Jaskier bucked causing Geralt to lose his balance and fall sideways, Geralt locked his right arm around Jaskier's twisting arms and trapping them to his chest, the Witcher slid down Jaskier's back. It was a strange and forced hug-like position from behind as Jaskier finished his feud.

It ended with a croaked scream into the floor, another episode of crying and the last of any half-hearted attempts to escape Geralt's iron grip then silence and stillness.

Geralt eased his left arm under the side of Jaskier's neck for support, his palm lay flat, he cast Yrden to keep their position until Jaskier calm down, slept and recovered.

The revealed letter miraculously remained unscathed in the process, Geralt couldn't see it anymore, as well as the book, they had been thrown at the door at some point, it would be a little dented, but still in one piece,

Geralt took a deep breath, wishing he could go back a year, punch himself in the face for his stupidity and stubbornness and give Jaskier the book after leaving Lettenhove the first time. Granted the reaction would have maybe been smiliar but not wirth a year's worth of resentment, hatred, rage, agony, denial, depression... everything that Jaskier been bottling up and battling internally and alone with Geralt by his side, making it worse by not acting or realising what he had done wrong.

The Witcher could only hope Jaskier wouldn't resent him in the morning to say goodbye. Maybe that was asking for too much.

Geralt had never witnessed grief in such a manner, Jaskier was always the exception in life. Maybe, just maybe Geralt could figure out how to make this right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a personal note, I had a bit of a breakdown this week, had a bad day afterwards but OK now. Yay. Here's hoping for a better week.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK. Decided this was the end of Part 2  
> I probably could have gone into more of the Aftermath detail but I like the ending. A little sappy, yes but hey, I never said I was good at this
> 
> Part 3 I shall reveal when I finally post it, haven't really been in the mood for Posting / Writing.

The morning greeted Jaskier with a pounding headache, well, more like pounding body-ache, his entire being in a constant throb and stiff from whatever position he had landed himself in was not how he desired to start the day.

Heavy weights were looped around his legs and chest, something solid was under his neck and heat was plastered to his back

Had he gotten drunk? No... but he did think about it before... what happened last night? He remembered Geralt knocking at his door, something in his hands and then... someone was shouting, he's sure he recalls raised voices, then not much bar white space. 

Jaskier squeezed his eyes shut before blearily becoming aware of his surroundings, he was on the floor, which explained the stiffness and little as to why his body ached too.

He noticed a familiar hand being very close to his head, did he sleep with geralt? Doubtful, not that Geralt wasn't attractive to Jaskier, of course he was, but Jaskier never made a pass towards the Witcher, knowing how he felt about physical contact unless he initiated it first, the only person Geralt was a little more touchy-feely with was Yennefer. 

Jealousy was a true maiden of green in Jaskier's heart and eyes towards the Mage.

Swallowing his emotions down Jaskier tried to move, but found it impossible, shaking himself was fine, but something was preventing him from getting up, oh right, the weights. Jaskier was puzzled by what exactly was holding him down.

"You're awake" A statement, not a question. Sent directly into his ear

"Geralt?" Jaskier whispered, spooked by the Witcher behind him

"How are you feeling?"

"Numb, sore... why does my throat hurt, in fact, my entire body, ah! What happened to my hands?"

"Stop shouting," Geralt grunted

"I think we need to go"

"Have you calmed down yet?"

"Yeah, I don't know what I did though"

"I'll explain later, but I need to check your hands first. Are you calm?"

"I'm barely awake,"

"Hmm. Alright" 

For Jaskier the weights were lifted, realisation dawned on him, Geralt had been holding him, for how long Jaskier wasn't sure, but it sent the Bard both comfort and unease about that fact.

"Let me see them," Jaskier uncurled himself from the floor and gave Geralt his wrists. Now that Jaskier was sitting up, he bore witness to the chaos "Geralt?"

"Hmm?"

"I did this,"

Geralt nodded once, distracted by taking care of Jaskier's wounds

"Geralt, I did this for a reason" Jaskier voice gained back some strength 

"I know"

"We need to talk about this, what you did, what I did"

"We will"

"Really? We aren't to give it another year to fester over, hm?" The bite in the attitude was something Geralt usually scolded Jaskier for, but for once let it slide

"Geralt, don't go silent on me for this"

"I'm concentrating"

"Look at me!"

Geralt's unamused eyes lifted, "Yes?"

"You lied to me, you hid the truth from me. I want to know why"

"It-- There was never a right time"

Jaskier scoffed, "Of course there wasn't"

"Jaskier, between traveling to and from to Lettenhove, the hunting, and not knowing about your emotional state I was never sure how to give the book to you"

"On a good day, why didn't you give the book to me on a good day?"

"It wouldn't have lasted"

"But we wouldn't be having this argument if you had" Jaskier winced as Geralt carefully pulled out splinters and bandaged Jaskier's hands

"I cannot undo the past"

"I'm not asking you to, nor would I, but I want to understand why"

Geralt sighed through his nose "Seeing your battling grief, I wanted to make sure you were alright"

"You kept it a secret, so I was OK?"

"Yes"

"...I do understand that, to an extent. But you have to know that I'm not made of glass, Geralt. I can take a hit and still be fine. You know that"

"Physical hits and emotional one are far different"

"How would you know?" No malice or venom, just quiet curiosity

"Through you"

Jaskier looked away, his hands still clasped inside Geralt's, a sliver of sunlight greeted their faces, both peering at it

"We should go"

"Yeah," Jaskier began to examine his 'work' even as a toddler he had never created such a disaster, at least he didn't hurt anyone "I'm still mad at you, Geralt. But I agree that we need to leave right now"

"Will anyone have heard you?"

"Doubtful, the amount of chaos that was created in here when I was Rose's age," Jaskier shivered "Let's just say it was kept under wraps for far longer than any child should endure"

Geralt remembered how intensely he had wanted to kill Jaskier's father a year ago, those feelings violently resurfaced, he wasn't aware of his eyes glowing bright until Jaskier backed away from him.

"I didn't know you could do that"

"I don't let it happen often"

"Oh"

Geralt stood up, "Grab your things, we'll eat on the road"

"Great, yes. Of course" A lute was swung over his shoulder and the book was picked up, Jaskier gave a quick glance at Geralt but pocketed the item.

"Geralt," Jaskier stopped, not far from the main doors, Geralt already halfway down the corridor

"Yes?"

"I want to say goodbye to Rose properly this time"

Geralt nodded "I'll be in the stables, be quick"

Jaskier mirrored the gesture, "Okay" Jaskier quickly found Rose's door, considering there were decorations all over the frame. The Bard quietly let himself in, perching on her bed and brushing a golden lock out of her face

"Rose petal, wake up my sweet"

"Mhm... tired"

"I know, I just wanted to say farewell again. Send a letter whenever you feel like and I will always find time for you to reply. I am going to tell you something my mother told me long ago" The memory rested gently upon his shoulders, the late-night clarity brought forth his remembered words, "Trust only yourself to pursue your dreams, never let doubt cloud your view"

Rose smiled at him, clearly falling asleep on him, Jaskier bent down to kiss her forehead "I love you, Rose. Cherish your skills and use them to break free of this place one day. Never be afraid to ask for help either, don't be like me in that regard" Jaskier chuckled "Before I lose you, please tell your mother I'm sorry about the mess"

"Okay... night night, uncle Jask. I can't wait to hear about your stories again someday"

"Goodnight, petal" Jaskier left the room as silently as he entered. Ignoring the tears as he returned to Geralt's side once again.

He was pulled up onto Roach and the pair said goodbye to Lettenhove for the last time.

"Geralt?" Jaskier wondered, still riding atop Roach, his arms around Geralt's waist

"Hmm?"

"Did I hit you last night?"

"You tried to, its why I held you down"

"Ah," Jaskier couldn't imagine even trying such a thing while sober, adrenaline and fury made him swing "I'm sorry about that. Had I actually done it, it would have hurt me more anyways"

"Hmm"

"Uh... I appreciate you giving me the book back"

"Hm"

"I mean, you can read it if you want, laugh at my four year old knowledge of writing"

Nothing was said this time by the Witcher

"Are you mad at me?"

Nothing

"Want me to get off Roach's back?"

Still nothing

"Do you want to hit me so we're even from last night"

Jaskier heard a growl, one he hadn't heard before so decided to give Geralt some of that 'blessed silence' he craved so much. Jaskier realised his hands were resting on Geralt's lap, wide eyed that the Witcher had said zero on the matter confused the Bard.

Feeling the night's actions and early rise take a further toll on his body Jaskier rested his forehead against Geralt's back, he could feel the tensing muscle beneath him strike then relax slightly as Jaskier took a deep breath to sleep again

It wasn't their most dramatic exit but Jaskier settled for it none the less. He dreamt of himself and his mother making flower crowns in a field, Rose was there too, sitting in his lap basking in the attention and bouquets. Geralt was meditating next to him, dawning a few buttercup woven braids, almost smiling at the environment around them. 

For once, Jaskier felt as ease, surrounded by those he held dear to his heart and within nature allowed the Bard to smile

_**"I love you, my petal"** His mother whispered to him **"Thank you for taking and sharing my advice to Rose"** The sun blinded Jaskier, his mother's face disappearing but her smile remained, she vanished completely _

_Rose was now a woman, taking his mother's place in the field_ **_"Thank you, Uncle Jask. You were right, I do feel free"_**

_Rose vanished too, now only he and Geralt remained "I told you, she still cared for you"_

_"Yeah, well... thank you, Geralt"_

His surroundings turned white and Jaskier woke up with his head resting upon Geralt's shoulder, Jaskier swore he could see something yellow poking out of Geralt's silver white locks but didn't dare say anything. Jaskier managed to catch a hanging blossom from a thin branch and tucked it behind his ear while humming under his breath.

Jaskier's past was complicated, and his present was the best outcome he could hope for, crossing the Continent with Geralt, endless adventure and learning about Witchers was truly fascinating and honestly, Jaskier wished he could do it forever. His future, however, remained unknown to him unless Destiny decided to kick him in his teeth for enjoying his travels too much but for this moment, he could enjoy this time with Geralt.

Jaskier didn't see Geralt smirking, nor did he see the Witcher placing a buttercup into his hair to cheer up his Bard but after hearing a sleep mumbled "Thank you, Geralt" The Witcher knew he had done the right thing. "You're welcome, Jaskier"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all who have Viewed, Kudos'd, Commented and Bookmarked. I greatly appreciate it.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't hate me, but I'm not a huge fan of Yennefer, don't get me wrong, I don't hate her, but I just... didn't feel that connected to her.
> 
> Now, I have started reading / playing The Witcher 3 but the TV Series Yennefer, I believe her Chemistry with Geralt but, I don't know, I just didn't like her. Not Hate, just, not overly fond.
> 
> So I don't think I can really convey her character as people are probably used to
> 
> She's not in here a lot, she just appears now and then.


End file.
